4:30 AM; 20010323 :  so did you turn it on? :  looks like it.  Did you? :  I had offline messages from her. :  heart wrenching.  You must know. :  but I'm the guy…  Isn't that a boot to the head? :  Aren't I supposed to be the asshole? :  if you love her tell her :  I think I am way past the place where I think what I feel matters. :  I'm even past the place where I think what I /think/ matters. :  The only thing that matters is action.  I am inactive, so it doesn't matter. :  what went wrong did she tell you? :  I'm happy you found me.  I was going to try to go back to social poker to get your id. :  she told me, but it doesn't seem to have a basis in the reality I'm accostomed to. :  and anyway— you're a girl!!  If she told the truth, the complete truth and was completely right :  would I admit it all to you? :  and if I did, would it be a clensing or a way to say: "leave me alone, I'm baaaaaaaaad" :  Actually I think I know what is wrong. :  what is the reason? :  Our distance cause frequent miscommunication. :  Anyway this is a somewhat troubling topic.  Do you mind if we talk about something less… sensitive? :  so you dont live in the same place? :  oh.  You must have logged in later in the convo.  No, we don't. :  lol yes i did :  But really, truly … I will do anything to change the subject. :  lol ok tell me more about yourself :  We can talk about it if you really want to, but I bet we've both had the conversation before.  and I don't want to be on this side of it. :  ohkay, but if I'm going to do that — tell you about me, it has to be answer for question, question for answer, k? :  its ok i dont want to make you uncomfortable :  I'm uncomfortable, you aren't making me anything.  I'd just rather not discuss it.  Ya know?  Its something I have to dwell on in private… :  I'm certain you understand.  I think everyone has broken up with someone, and everyone has been broken up with. :  strangely — this is interesting, about me — I am rarely the one someone breaks up with. :  I'm usually the one doing the breaking up. :  what about you?  (since we're still close to the topic) :  i'm usually the one that gets broken up with :  aha.  We are opposites there. :  is your favorite color green? :  lol yes it is how did you know? :  I said we were opposites on that one thing.  I took a stab that we were opposites on another thing. :  I expected to be wrong. :  lol what is yours? :  But you are in your mid thirtys… so you must be in a stable relationship, yes? :  the opposite of green is red.  art-color-wheel-wise. :  divorced :  shit. :  I think I feel divorced.  But don't let me bring up the topic either. :  lol :  divorced.  I'm a child of divorce. :  i'm ok with it now hes comming around and wanting to court me again :  not that I knew.  I was 2 at the time and all I ever knew was mom. :  wtf? :  don't do it. :  close the door and don't look back. :  I have cold-hearted advice. :  i didnt want the divorce in the first place :  then you should most definately not let him do it to you again. :  find someone who won't divorce you. :  I don't know you very well, but you don't deserve that. :  ahh but the kids want their daddy back :  in my view, someone who does something will do it again. :  in fact — :  broke up with me once before… :  divide custody or something work something out :  dont be with someone for the kids. :  they'll be better off if you don't. :  you won't be doing them a favor by showing weakness. :  am I a military-strategist about this, or what? :  he said he was going thru a mid life crisis :  I need counceling.  I've decided. :  aren't we all. :  aren't we all ‘just going through a rough patch’ that's no excuse :  lol but hes 46 he deserves to go thru one :  mid life crisis. :  no :  no one deserves to go through one :  let me ask you something… :  ok shoot :  when you feel bad and it happens to be around your period, do you get all bitchy and then excuse it because of pms? :  nope
:  do you say, "Deal with it, it was pms?" :  nope i really dont get bitchy :  well, then.  Don't let him do that either.  It isn't cool.  People are supposed to be able to act civilized and responcibly :  hes being really sweet about things and trying :  ohkay… or if someone has been drinking then they run over a civilian or two with their heavy old giant car, :  *shrugs* … I am not in a position to give anyone advice. :  but I urge you to consider.  Think about how you felt when it was all going down the first time, the hurt, the betrayal… :  lol its ok i'm enjoying this its a different point of view than the one i have been getting :  I'm assuming that you were hurt and betrayed by his wanting to dissolve the vows. :  you've been getting: "go back with him?" :  yes :  fuck that.  who were you talking to, his mom? :  yes :  ew!! :  talk about a limited-liability. :  if you're taking the view that she's responcibile for him. :  Of course he's sorry… he comes from my loins and anything from me is supergood :  *shivers* :  lol no shes not but he loves the kids and hes a good father :  find a group of bitchy thirtysomething women at a bar somewhere west of town you never go to and hang out with them. :  so he can be a good father… :  I will never advocate separating children from a parent.  But it doesn't mean you have to let him have his cake, eat it too, step on it and then make you bake him a new one. :  lol nah dont like bitchy women :  no one likes bitchy women. :  but there must be a /reason/ for it.  a reason they are so angry :  you should be angry. :  this person said he'd be with you forever :  then you are saying he tried to say it isn't true anymore :  its been a year i'm over it i'm not into self pity :  now he's saying it was like a vacation? :  it isn't self-pity I'm suggesting.  it is self protection. :  You have just entered a phase of your life where you are most likely to meet someone who /will/ be with you forever. :  lol well nothing is set in stone i'm taking things slow :  But I have an idea for you if you don't want my war-zone tactics with concerns to relationships. :  (if you want to hear any more of my ideas) :  lol sure but i'm sorry i need to go to work now :  maybe we'll catch each other again :  we're on each-other's friends lists… so yeah, we will. :  I was going to say: pretend you don't know him.  He is the divorced father of kids you like. :  start over. :  make him take you to expensive dinners :  and take loads of pictures :  well see its hard to find someone willing to take on four kids tho :  I've recently become a seriously nostalgic sort of person with respect to photographs :  four?! :  well… 3 and a half is my limit. :  yes four :  but do you really need a relationship?  You should try not looking :  lol a half a kid??? :  the love of your life is waiting for you to stop looking :  3 and one on the way? :  I was kidding. :  i know but i have to go i'll talk to you again it was enjoyable :  at the end of the day, you have only to ask yourself one question: :  "is he the man of my dreams" :  yes, it was fun. :  tata. :  ok bye

Yahoo! Messenger:  has logged out. (3/23/01 at 4:59 AM)